Marcy Kelly

Marcy Kelly writes fiction and nonfiction. Her book The Porcelain Heart: A Mother’s Memoir of Unexpected Loss, is available now on Amazon for pre-order. Her short stories have appeared in magazines, and her essays in online publications. A script she co-authored received a best screenplay award from the Producers Guild of America. She studied creative writing at UCLA and earned a Masters of Fine Arts degree from Antioch University.

What inspired you to write The Porcelain Heart, and what was the moment you knew Michael's story needed to be shared with the world?

I wasn’t planning to write a book. I started jotting down memories of my son that would pop into my head. I didn’t want to forget or have time blur them. It took a while to see that my notes could be expanded and become the foundation of a book. As for sharing it with the world, that came when early readers told me they thought it would help others who had lost someone close.

Losing a child is every parent's greatest fear. What do you hope readers who have experienced profound loss will take away from your memoir?

The death of a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent and when it occurs, most don’t think they will survive the experience. I hope my book shows that one can survive. Life will never be the same, but eventually a new path will reveal itself.

The Porcelain Heart is such a beautiful and evocative title. What does it symbolize for you, and why was it the perfect title for this book?

After Michael died, I saw a home movie of the two of us having a good time on a ride at Disneyland. I was wearing a porcelain heart on a chain around my neck. It began to symbolize past happy times that I would never again experience. Porcelain is hard and translucent ceramic that once broken cannot be restored. 

You write candidly about guilt, denial, and the long road toward acceptance. Was there a particular chapter or memory that was especially difficult to write?

Every chapter carried its own pain, but maybe the story of taking his ashes to the Blue Ridge Mountains was particularly difficult. It was where we had spent many summers and holidays. I could not fathom that those joyful days were gone.

Many people struggle with knowing what to say to someone who is grieving. Based on your experience, what do you wish friends, family, and even strangers understood about grief?

There is no absolute right thing to say. There are a lot of wrong things to say. Don’t go on about your own loss. Don’t compare your experience with theirs. Offer to help, write a personal note, share a fond memory of the deceased. And say his or her name. So many people think they are doing us a favor when they ignore talking about the deceased. The opposite is true.

Throughout the memoir, you honor Michael's memory in meaningful ways, from creating a golf scholarship to commissioning a fountain along one of his favorite hiking trails. Why was it important for you to transform grief into a lasting legacy?

Michael was an only child and he didn’t have children. I wanted his memory to outlive me. He loved golf so I set up a scholarship at his alma mater, where he had been on the golf team. And the fountain – for people and pets – is located where he used to hike along the LA River.

Your memoir reminds us that healing doesn't mean forgetting. How has your relationship with Michael changed since his passing, and how do you keep his memory present in your daily life?

Michael is never far. His photos are placed around the house, crafts he made in school are in my office, his flip flops are on a shelf in my closet, I use some of his kitchen utensils when I cook. 

You've written fiction, essays, and award-winning screenplays. How was writing this deeply personal memoir different from every other creative projects you've undertaken?

It was very different. Nothing I’d ever written before was so personal or painful. As I wrote, I often debated with Michael in my head. He might think something I wrote was embarrassing or too personal. I negotiated with him to find a balance. So, you might say that he co-wrote the book with me. 

If Michael could read The Porcelain Heart today, what do you hope he would understand about your journey and about your enduring love for him?

Michael and I were close. He knew I loved him and he would understand the emotions I share in the book. But if he had had a choice, he’d rather I not write about him. He didn’t like being the center of attention. And he definitely wouldn’t want his photo on the cover. It was the publisher’s choice, and it took me a while, and a lot of conversations with Michael, to accept it.

For someone who has just experienced an unexpected loss and feels there is no path forward, what would you say to them today?

Eventually, you will find a path forward. Until you do, stay busy. Join a grief support group, write down your memories, volunteer, take up a new hobby or activity that will, at least for a time, block thoughts of your grief. For me that was learning to play bridge. Every day have a goal, even if it’s just to accomplish one small thing, like washing your hair or paying a bill. And before you go to bed, pat yourself on the back for having completed the task. Take baby steps.

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Purchase the book HERE.