Monica Yates

Monica Yates is a renowned trauma healer, embodiment coach, and period expert committed to helping women achieve profound personal transformation. With nearly a decade of experience, she has guided tens of thousands of women to shed their masculine armor, embrace their feminine energy, and align their lives with authenticity and purpose.

At the heart of Monica’s work lies her unique blend of somatic healing and embodiment practices to address trauma at its root. By integrating science-backed techniques with deep emotional exploration, she empowers clients to reconnect with their bodies, heal deeply held wounds, and create lasting change. Her philosophy emphasizes balancing feminine flow with masculine structure, fostering harmony across all areas of life.

Monica’s passion for healing is deeply personal. Growing up between Australia and New York City, she initially saw her childhood as idyllic but later recognized patterns of external validation, body image struggles, and unhealthy relationships as signs of unresolved trauma. This realization fueled her commitment to understanding trauma’s effects on the body and mind, equipping her to support others on their journeys.

Monica’s insights have been featured in Vogue, Glamour, and Men’s Health. She also hosts the Feminine as F*ck® podcast, which has over 3 million downloads, offering actionable advice and thought-provoking discussions on topics like trauma healing and feminine embodiment, resonating with a diverse audience who want something other than the mainstream black-and-white guidance for the growth they’re seeking.

Your H-E-R Framework™ is central to the book—can you walk us through how each phase (Heal, Embody, Radiate) builds on the other to create lasting transformation?
This really is such an important question because you can’t become HER without each individual step laying the groundwork for the next. You can’t RADIATE without healing first. And the piece many people often miss is to EMBODY.

You don’t just become HER by reading affirmations, scripting your manifestations, or forcing yourself to act confident when your nervous system is screaming inside. You become HER by actually becoming her. In your body. In your patterns. In your energy.

And that’s why the H-E-R Framework™ is the backbone of everything I teach—because it’s not mindset hacks, it’s a full-body return to who you actually are.

H = Heal
This is where it begins. You simply cannot embody the feminine, magnetise a man, or hold more money if your body is still in survival. If your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, nothing will stick. So the first phase is healing the trauma... and I’m not talking about reliving it or talking about it endlessly in therapy. I’m talking about healing it somatically, through the body. This is where we release the suppressed anger, grief, and fear that’s been keeping you stuck in hyper-independence or emotional reactivity. Because, no, you can’t out-journal or “biohack” your trauma. You have to feel it to free it. That’s why we must start here.

E = Embody
Once the trauma has been cleared from the body, we move into the VITAL step of embodiment. It’s not enough to understand this intellectually, you have to live it. Embodiment is where the work becomes instinct. This is where you stop over-functioning, stop leading with control, and start letting yourself actually receive. It’s the difference between saying “I want to be feminine” and actually walking into a room where people feel something shift when you walk in. You get out of your head and feel what’s actually happening in your body. You create that trust within yourself so you can finally feel safe to soften. It’s messy and raw and absolutely magnetic.

R = Radiate
And finally… Radiate. This is the phase where it’s no longer about the healing or the work… it’s just who you are. This is the feminine in her power. The woman who knows what she wants, who attracts without chasing, who leads without emasculating, who sets standards without closing her heart. You’re no longer trying to be HER... you simply are her. And it’s not loud or flashy, it’s felt. You walk into a room and the energy shifts, not because you said the right thing or wore the right outfit, but because your nervous system is transmitting safety, turn-on, and truth. That’s radiance. And this is the phase where quantum leaps become normal… because you’ve become the woman who effortlessly calls in what she wants. I call this “embodied manifestation.”

So if you’ve been wondering why the journaling isn’t working, or why the masculine men seem to be MIA, or why you keep hitting the same money ceiling even with all the “right” strategy, this very well could be why. You haven’t moved through H-E-R yet. But once you do… your entire life changes for the better. And it’s never too late to start.

You talk about the pressure women face to be “everything to everyone.” What advice do you give women who are caught between ambition and burnout?

Wow, yes, this one hits home because it’s the blueprint so many high-achieving women are handed: be successful, be soft, be sexy, be stable, be everything (all at once)—but don’t dare drop the ball.

So, of course, she’s burnt out. Of course, her body’s tight. Of course, her libido’s gone, and her relationship feels like one more thing she has to manage instead of melt into. She’s been in pure survival mode while the world praises her productivity, but has no idea what it’s costing her nervous system in the long run. 

The advice I give? I don’t hand her more to-do’s. I bring her back into her body. Because this isn’t about finding balance or outsourcing more or creating another checklist to “be in her feminine.” This is about repatterning her nervous system so she actually feels safe to stop gripping, to stop carrying the entire load, and to stop proving.

The truth is… she’s not exhausted because she’s broken. She’s exhausted because no one ever taught her how to let go, how to be held, or how to receive.

What I see again and again is women stuck between the drive to succeed and the part that’s quietly begging to rest. And no one ever showed them how to hold both.

So we stop making her choose. She doesn’t need to give up her ambition; she just needs a new way to hold it. One that doesn’t fry her nervous system or kill her libido.

This work isn’t about doing less. It’s about doing it from a place that’s actually resourced. When her body feels safe… when she’s not running on pressure and panic… she leads better, loves deeper, and receives more.

That’s the shift. Not less drive—just no more burnout disguised as “success.”

Because being everything to everyone will never compare to being fully, wholly, wildly herself.
And that’s what I want for her. Not less ambition, but more of what lights her up and brings her joy on HER terms.

Polarity in relationships is a major theme in Becoming HER. Why is understanding masculine and feminine energy so important for modern women?

Honestly? Because this is what no one ever teaches, and it affects literally everything.

Most modern women are operating in a constant state of “get it done.” And they’re amazing at it. They can run a business, organise the household, take care of the children, hit goals, lead teams… but when it comes to intimacy, that same energy often backfires.

Because polarity (aka the dynamic that creates attraction and keeps it alive) depends on energetic opposites… Masculine and feminine. Direction and flow. Control and surrender. And if she’s constantly in masculine mode—leading, planning, fixing—there’s no space for him to step in. The energy gets neutral. She’s in control, but she’s also alone in it.

And then she starts to feel resentful. Or dry. Or disconnected.
She says she wants him to lead, but she’s making all the decisions.
She wants more sex, but her body’s shut down.
She wants to be held, but doesn’t know how to let herself be held.
This is why understanding masculine and feminine energy is so important! Once she gets how this works (and men too, by the way—it takes two to tango), she can stop making it mean something’s wrong with her or with him.

It’s not that he’s lazy or emotionally unavailable.
It’s not that she’s too much.
It’s that the polarity is off.

And when she learns how to shift back into her feminine… not just in theory, but in how she feels and communicates and holds herself—everything changes.

She stops leading the relationship.
She stops mothering.
She stops trying to manage his potential.

Instead… she inspires his leadership. She evokes his depth. She opens the space for more intimacy, more safety, more turn-on… without sacrificing who she is.

It’s not about playing small or pretending to be something she’s not. It’s about learning how to soften into her body again… so she can finally exhale without everything falling apart.

THIS is why polarity matters. It’s not a buzzword or a complex concept. It’s an intuitive, lived experience. And when both partners “get it,” the energy between them moves. He leads. She receives. He steps up. She softens. And that’s when love, sex, and leadership all start to feel easy.

You share raw, personal stories throughout the book. Was there a particular moment in your own healing journey that shaped the foundation of this work?

There’s a moment I share in the book that really shaped everything that came after. I remember it quite vividly, actually. An ex of mine called me a cold bitch. And as much as it hurt, he (sadly) wasn’t totally wrong. I wasn’t cold by nature, but I had so many walls up. I was emotionally shut down, hardened, and in this constant state of control. That comment felt like the biggest gut punch because it showed me just how disconnected I was from my body, my emotions, and my feminine energy.

At the time, I didn’t know how to let myself feel. I didn’t know how to soften without feeling weak. I had been in survival mode for so long—overachieving, doing it all myself, holding everything together, being the “strong one” (classic eldest child trait)—that I didn’t even realize how frozen I was inside. That moment was a wake-up call because I learned that masculine men don’t actually want cold, emotionless women like I thought they did. They want the emotional experience, the softness, and the vulnerability. Everything I had thought were signs of weakness.


That’s why I wrote about it in my book. It was one of the key turning points that led me into deep nervous system work, somatic healing, and understanding the trauma patterns that were running my life. It’s what inspired the H-E-R™ Method, Heal, Embody, Radiate, because I had to walk that exact path myself. That moment with my ex didn’t just hurt... it cracked the door open to a whole new way of being. And I’m obviously immensely grateful for it now, looking back.

What does the woman who fully becomes HER look and feel like to you—and what’s the very first step a reader can take toward embodying her?

Let me paint you a picture:

Everyone around HER feeds off her vibe... they either want to be her or be with her. Nothing feels too overwhelming for HER, she has everything under control without breaking a sweat. She has a GREAT sex life: and trust me, that radiates off her too. Feminine leadership comes naturally to HER in the workplace and life (but she obviously knows when to soften and let her man lead too). 

From morning to nighttime routines... nothing drains her. Wealth consciousness and manifestation are second nature to her. She is kind, patient, and reasonable with herself, all while holding herself to a higher standard because she knows who she truly is. She prioritizes her health & wellness and leads from desire. Her mind, body, and soul are wired for success — but also for nourishment, pleasure, and real fulfillment daily. She lives, moves, and creates from the H.E.R Framework (that we spoke about earlier).

I could keep going, if you’d like?? ;) 

She’s the woman who’s done outsourcing her worth. She’s no longer performing, proving, or perfecting to feel safe. She’s in her body—and that changes everything. She knows how to regulate her nervous system when life gets messy. She can hold boundaries without guilt. She can express her needs without controlling. She can fully receive without feeling like she has to earn it.

She’s not mothering her partner. She’s not gripping to control because she doesn’t trust anyone else to handle it. She’s grounded. She’s soft. She’s clear. She’s not afraid of the full spectrum of her emotions—she knows how to feel them without being consumed by them. She’s not afraid of her desires because she knows they’re not too much. 

As I said before… Becoming HER isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about coming home to who you were before the world told you who to be.

So, where do you start?

You get honest about the fact that you’re exhausted and constantly in your head — and that’s not normal. You stop doing more and start actually listening.
Seems simple, sure, but I can assure you it’s easier said than done.
This isn’t about more mindset work. It’s not another morning routine or a new journal.

You have to stop pretending you’re fine and actually feel what your body’s been trying to tell you for years—that you’re tired, that you’re holding way too much, that you don’t actually feel safe.
And from there, it’s about learning how to work with your body instead of fighting it.

You breathe.
You notice what’s tight, tense, or totally numb.
You let that awareness guide what you do next — not trying to “fix” it from your logical mind. 

This requires you to slow down and feel. That’s the real first step. And it changes everything.

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Website: https://monicayateshealth.com/
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Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feminine-as-f-ck/id1449633522
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/31XpkZ4MIBDxSSrpiTK6f1

Purchase the book here: https://amzn.to/44TY0ko